Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
