I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
