Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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