wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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