I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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