he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
