I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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