i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
