theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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