I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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