guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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