Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
