Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
