We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
