the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
