jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize