Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will be naked everywhere
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
