Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
