I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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