I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
