You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
