Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
