If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
