weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
