I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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