That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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