I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
