Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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