Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
