sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
