You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
