this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
soo... how was my night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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