Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
