the condom got lost in my hair
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
