Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why do cheetos always look like penises
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
