i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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