it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
