The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize