fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK WHALES
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
