two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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