The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
