direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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