Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then my night got REAL pukey
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
