when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
