Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she peed on how many people?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
