I faked an abortion last night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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