I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
