he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
