I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
