My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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