her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
