I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
