True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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