I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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