Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
