I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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