her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
