Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
