I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
