You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
