You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
