Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
