'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
