It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
