im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
