I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
