I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
