Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
