white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
