Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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